


Learning Human Biology

by kissa_kitty0325



Series: Obey Me: All Good Girls Go to Hell [14]
Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Solomon has the answers, new situation for the boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 06:41:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23967055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissa_kitty0325/pseuds/kissa_kitty0325
Summary: Kissa is in a mood from Hell, and the guys can't figure it out for the life of them.
Relationships: Beelzebub (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s), Leviathan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s), Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Obey Me: All Good Girls Go to Hell [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1627390
Comments: 4
Kudos: 98





	Learning Human Biology

"Mammon, I swear by all that's unholy, if you don't stop whining, I'm going to give you something to whine about…"

I tore into the dining room, still fuming, as I pulled up a seat next to Beelzebub, trying my damned best to ignore a sullen Mammon. I started pouring a cup of coffee for myself, finally noticing the uncanny stillness of the crowded table. Every little thing was setting me off today, and I knew it. I was far touchier than usual.

"For the LAST time, I don't want to be embroiled into some pyramid scheme,” I looked pointedly at Mammon, who at least had the guts to look irritated. “So don’t ask again.” I felt a slight shock, I saw Mammon flinch as a static charge zipped though me and I realized I had inadvertantly sent the command down through our Pact. I keep forgetting about the damn thing, and I usually try to carefully word anything I say to any of the three demons I have Pacts with. Right now I couldn’t find it in me to care.

I looked around from brother to brother, the frown still etching lines through my face, and I took in the identical stunned looks across each. If I hadn’t been so keyed up, I would have laughed at the sight. Satan's mouth hung open, Beel paused with a fork to his mouth, and Asmo almost choked on his glass of juice. Even Lucifer had frozen in place, his cup of coffee suspended in air. Only Levi seemed oblivious, headphones on and Mononoke Land running on his D.D.D.

"What?!" I made the demand, almost spitting the words from my mouth.

Beelzebub watched me silently, steadily shoving his breakfast into his mouth and chewing after my initial outburst. He made no comment, a fact I was grateful for even if I didn’t show it.

"That….that's a side of you I haven't heard."

Satan was clearly rattled, as it was the first time I let anyone see me truly be angry. On top of that, I never talked that harshly to Mammon, always being the one standing up against the brothers on the behalf of the Avatar of Greed. A bark of laughter erupted from Asmo as Mammon slumped into a chair and started grabbing food, not really caring what he was eating.

"Oh, ho! Kissa finally noticed what a scummy bastard you could be? Oh dear girl! It is about time you saw reason…I would be so much better than he ever could be…" 

Asmo gave me a lascivious wink, and it only served to tick me off further.

"Back off, Asmo. Mammon already got on my last nerve this morning, so I am in no mood to deal with your shit too."

I realized what was going on the second I snapped at the Avatar of Lust, doing a quick calculation in my head. 

_Fuck. Thankfully it’ll be over with by the time the retreat starts._

Asmodeus gave me a grin to tempt a saint, wickedly delicious, and promising eternities of untold pleasure.

“Come now Kitten, we can quench that thirst of yours in my room any time…”

Levi finally noticed the atmosphere change in the dining room, mostly after a sharp elbow to his side from Mammon to get his attention, slowly removing his headphones as he watched me rant at Asmo, his eyes widening at my tone. I didn't raise my voice, but my tone took on a sharp deadly edge, a quality that I usually kept pretty well under wraps. 

"It'll be a cold day in Hell before I ever even -consider- having sex with you.” I didn't spare the Avatar of Lust one bit from my anger, spearing him with my eyes, before I turned to Satan, wanting to answer his statement.

"This side of me doesn't come out much, but I'll be damned if I bother today. This is the ONE day a month where I am an absolute bitch, so deal."

I picked up my cup of coffee, taking a gulp of the bitter liquid as I tried to calm myself down just a bit, taking a deep breath and biting savagely into a piece of toast. As expected, my behavior attracted the notice of the Eldest brother, and I attempted to ignore the entire table, as I tried to sort out my options for the rest of the week.

_Where do I get feminine products in the Devildom??_

Lucifer set his cup down onto the saucer in his other hand, the glass ringing with sound in the sudden silence, as his eyes narrowed at me across the length of the table. It was a toss up between irritation and concern, the demeanor of the Avatar of Pride stiff and unyielding as usual. If I was feeling differently I would have just admired the view, but I could feel the migraine starting up behind my eyes, and I set my jaw, my gaze almost daring Lucifer to say something. I didn't have to wait long.

"I expect this sort of behavior from my brothers, Kissa, but I had hoped you would set a higher standard."

I set the cup down, sloshing the liquid over the side with the abrupt action, my eyes flashing.

"You know what. Lucifer? I don't need to listen to your lectures either." I stood up, the headache starting to pound. "As a matter of fact, I'm taking the day off classes and going back to bed. Later."

Lucifer's mouth dropped open in surprise before he collected himself as I swept past him and headed back to my room.

"Kissa! Get back here!"

I waved my hand in the air, not bothering to turn around.

"Go to Hell, Luci…"

The Avatar of Pride hardened his jaw, clenching his gloved hand into a fist, his words coming out in a hiss of displeasure.

"Don't call me 'Luci’!"

The brothers watched as Kissa disappeared toward her room as Lucifer started muttering to himself, taking out his D.D.D and sending out a message.

“Mammon…” The Eldest tucked his device away, addressing his pouting brother as he did. “Make sure to get any homework from Kissa’s instructors today before you come home.”

For once the white-haired demon didn’t try to complain about Lucifer’s order, and that alone was enough to make all six of the brothers silently contemplate their female human’s behavior. There was a brief pause as silence reigned around the breakfast table, the absence of sound in the wake of the human storm that just blew through the Hall.

Asmo was the first to speak, his chin in his hands as he stared off down the corridor toward Kissa’s room, his eyes just slightly unfocused with his trademark sin.

“Is it just me, or is our Kitten even more gorgeous and sexy when she’s mad?”

“Hmmm…” Lucifer only raised one eyebrow, his face otherwise carefully smoothed into an unreadable mask.

“Yeah, she is…” Mammon was almost in awe, torn between wanting to run after her and wanting to hide in his room for the remainder of the day.

“Sexy… for a 3D girl…” Levi was unsuccessful in stopping the slight bloom of red across his cheeks as he realized he had agreed out loud to Asmo’s observation.

“It’s almost terrifying…” Satan was still trying to process the amount of fury he had seen under the surface. “If she had power, she’d most likely be almost as strong as Mammon….”

Beel slowly nodded his head, agreeing as well to the Avatar of Lust’s statement. She truly was fierce when he least expected it.

\------------------

Lunch at R.A.D. consisted of Mammon, Levi, Beel, Asmodeus and Satan sitting in a cluster desks discussing the morning’s events and the unusual behavior of their female human.

“I don’t get it….Kissa is never that irritable. Maybe she was hungry?” 

Beel sat in a chair at one of the desks, absently munching on a bag of fried bat wings as he conversed with a few of his brothers. Mammon was the most distressed out of everyone in attendance, not sure what to do with Kissa so out of sorts, especially with no idea what he needed to do to make it up to her.

“Doubtful. She was at breakfast but didn’t eat much.” Levi had an exam in his ‘Demon physiology’ class so was actually attending school today. 

“What stupidity did you say to her, huh, Mammon? Her mood started with you this morning…” Asmo’s peachy eyes narrowed at the 2nd brother, eager to pin an explanation on someone. Never mind that she ripped him a new one at the same time.

“I didn’t say nuttin! Well, nothin more than I usually do….but she never yelled back at me like that before….” Mammon hung his head at the statement. It didn’t help matters that he tried to talk to her before he left for school, but she wasn’t opening the door for anyone.

“Hey Guys…What’s up?” 

The voice carried from the doorway as the Lords of Hell looked over, the open hostility dropping when they noticed who was calling out to them. The small opening however, allowed the last remaining lower demons to escape the room without bringing notice to themselves. The atmosphere was almost stifling.

Solomon walked into the room, immediately heading over to where the Sins were congregating in the classroom. Asmo perked up considerably, realizing that the key to the human’s behavior could quite possibly be explained by another human.

“Solomon! Just the individual who might be able to help us out!” Asmo ran over to Solomon, completely ignoring the cautious look he got from the platinum blonde sorcerer as he grabbed him by the arm and drug him over to the cluster of desks and his brothers.

“Good thinking, Asmo!” Mammon brightened up considerably, hoping that maybe they’d get some answers. “Hey Solomon…what would make a female human all of a sudden act different?”

“Other than demonic possession….we already thought about that one, but there’s no obvious blasphemy or projectile vomiting…” Levi actually put away his D.D.D for once as he spoke, eager to determine a reason as to why his Henry was acting so strangely.

Solomon was taken slightly aback, suddenly curious as to what in Hell was going on.

“Acting different how?”

“Well she was yellin at me for one. She never yells at me for just talkin with her.” Mammon was almost pouting, and Solomon quickly became fascinated with the reactions of the brothers more than anything.

“And she told -me- ‘it would be a cold day in Hell before she would even consider having sex with me’. Can you imagine?” Asmo couldn’t hide his distress at actually being turned down flat out. “Can you believe it? She turned me…ME…down.”

“I had casually mentioned it was a new side to her and she said something odd back about it…” Satan thought for a minute, trying to remember.

“She said, quote, This side of me doesn’t come out much but I’ll be damned if I bother today. This is the ONE day a month where I am an absolute Bitch, so deal, end quote.” Beel didn’t even pause as he recited Kissa’s statement from the morning, as Solomon’s eyes widened. Even Satan was impressed.

“Damn, Beel. How did you remember that?”

The Avatar of Gluttony shrugged, reaching into his bag of snacks.

“I pay attention.”

Levi snickered as he remembered the morning.

“LOL! The best part was the look on Lucifer’s face when she said, ‘Go to Hell, Luci.’ That was priceless. I wish I had snapped a pic for Devilgram….”

Solomon sat back, comprehension dawning across his face as he smiled.

“Ahh….I get it now.” Solomon looked at the eager faces of the demon brothers. “She’s PMSing.” 

All Solomon got for his revelation were confused looks.

“Premenstrual Syndrome…”

No response.

“Her period? That time of month?”

Solomon sighed as the brothers looked at each other in confusion.

“Really? How do I explain this….” Solomon thought for a minute, trying to put it into terms that might come closer to possible demon physiology. “Ahh! I got it… female breeding cycle.”

Five sets of demon eyes went wide at the same time.

“Oh yeah. That would explain things wouldn’t it?” 

Asmo suddenly looked thoughtful, and Solomon quickly brought up a hand to silence any questions before they were voiced.

“No, I am not going to explain human biology to you. If you want to know more you can look it up in the library yourselves.”

Satan was the first to stand up, abruptly deciding he had enough information for one day.

“Well mystery solved. I’m not even going to get remotely involved any more than that.” With a quick hand wave, Satan was out the door and headed to the next class.

Mammon was more interested.

“Okay, fine. But what do we DO about it?”

“Personally I’d leave her alone for a day or two, but I doubt any of you will do that…” Solomon sat on the edge of a desk. “Not being female, I couldn’t tell you exactly what to do, but I can give you some advice if you insist on interacting….”

Solomon took a pen and a sheet of paper from his notebook, writing down a list in no time flat and handing it to Mammon.

“If nothing else this stuff can be used as a peace offering, but bear in mind, it might not work.”

\----------------------

I was lying in the bed staring up at the ceiling of my newly remodeled room, trying to decide who to ask about finding the feminine products I was going to need in a day or so when a knock on my door startled me out of my thoughts.

“Unless you have alcohol, chocolate, Midol, or all of the above… Fuck Off.”

“Come on, Kissa. Don’t make me beg…” Mammon sounded absolutely miserable even with his voice muffled by the solid wood door.

“We have some things for you…” Beel sounded almost shy, and I have to admit just hearing my ginger demon made me curious.

“Let’s go, Normie. I got a raid coming up in an hour and I haven’t finished my prep work!”

_Levi, too? Really? All three of them at my door?_

It came as a surprise to me that all three of the demons I had Pacts with show up at my door together. On second thought, with my behavior today, there was most likely the thought of safety in numbers. I had calmed down considerably over the course of the day, and a nap helped tremendously. It occurred to me then that I was most likely going to need to apologize to each of them, and putting it off wouldn’t help in the long run.

I glanced at my D.D.D. and the time let me know that classes were done for the day, but there were still a couple hours til dinner. I heaved a sigh and sat up, uncomfortable as anything but I somehow knew there was no way Mammon and company were going to be deterred. I needed to apologize and explain my behavior, so it might as well be sooner than later. My mind made up under protest from my body, I headed to the bedroom door and opened it slowly, revealing the figures of the three demons on the other side.

Mammon looked a bit uncomfortable, running his hand through his bright white locks in agitation, his other arm clutched around a bag. Beelzebub was less anxious and more hopeful, his arms also loaded down with a menagerie of stuff, while Levi only huffed.

“You going to let us in or what?”

Despite the harsh tone, the blush across Mammon’s face said volumes and I walked backwards, opening the door wider in invitation, gesturing with a hand for them to come in. I couldn’t help but be curious as to what they were bringing, each demon setting their burdens down on the expanse of the new King sized bed.

“The bed is new isn’t it?” Beel turned to look at me after setting down his bags, his purple to pink gradient eyes lit up with curiosity.

“Yup.” I smiled, and the tension dissipated with the single change, the brother’s losing the slight edge of caution that they’d held upon knocking on my door. “I asked Barbados about getting a bigger one when Lucifer told me the renovations were done. He brought it by today while you were all in classes.”

To the demons credit, Barbados didn’t even flinch when I asked him to arrange for a bigger bed, but I can’t say I liked the grin I got from him when I did. He didn’t say anything about Lucifer, or ask why I wasn’t asking the Eldest for the upgrade in bedding. Knowing Barbados however, Lord Diavolo was likely going to be getting an earful of gossip from his ever steady Butler.

_Concern for a different time…._

“So what is all this anyway?” I gestured to the plethora of bags on the bed, my eyes lighting with no little curiosity.

“Well, we kinda asked Solomon for his opinion and he gave us a list of stuff that might help ya out.” Mammon rushed over to the bed, digging through the bags and upending the contents. “These here are from me.”

I didn’t expect to see the four bottles of wine, two red and two white, and all from very prominent, and need I say, expensive, winery in the human world. I can say with utter honesty that I had tried all four, and loved them. 

“How did you know I liked these wineries?” My eyes narrowed at Mammon, knowing full well I never mentioned that little fact.

“Whatcha mean? You said you liked Shiraz and Merlot in red and Sauvignon Blanc and Pinot Grigio in whites, right?” Mammon looked a bit confused, biting his lip just slightly in a nervous gesture. “I got ya one of each…”

Beel jumped in then, taking my attention from a confused Mammon with his offering.

“I got you some human chocolates from Madame DeVine’s and Solomon said that ice cream would be a good idea, too.” He took out a couple cartons of ice cream, showing my the flavors he had gotten. “I wasn’t sure what you liked so I got a bunch.”

That was a lie…it was a ton of ice cream. There was no way that I was going to be able to eat all that and not end up as big as a house after.

“Just leave me the pints of peppermint and butter pecan and you can take the rest, but thanks Beel…” I beamed a smile at the ginger demon, delighting in his shy smile before I turned back to Mammon.

“Thank you as well, Mammon. I forgot I told you what wines I liked.” My smile made him blush and look away. “I’m glad you remembered.”

Levi grabbed his bag, knocking Mammon out of the way in his eagerness, much to the older demon’s disapproval.

“I got you this stuff, Kissa. I figured any medication that the human world has might be a good idea.” Levi handed a slightly larger bag to me, too big to just have medicine inside.

“Asmo bought the bath stuff for you.” I took the bag curiously, opening it up to my gaze. To my delight, I saw ibuprofen and Midol, as well as a bottle of Tylenol nestled alongside a bottle of lavender bubble bath and Epsom salts, all of which I was going to need in the next week. “And Lucifer’s bag is over there, next to the smaller one from Satan.”

I didn’t bother to hide the relief I had when I saw the medicine. My migraines were usually my first indication of my cycle, showing up usually a day before the bleeding, and there were only a few tablets of painkiller left in the bottle. I had used up most of my ibuprofen after standing up to Lucifer and getting my ass handed to me, so the addition of more pills was a welcome sight.

“Levi, you have no idea how much the medicine is going to help out. Thank you for that.”

If the blush that flew across Levi’s face was any indication, he was actually pleased even though his words didn’t quite pass muster.

“Yeah, well, it’s not like I got it for you exactly. I just needed to make sure that you would be able to game with me later this week.”

My mind registered Levi’s protests as basically a ‘white lie’, not fully truth, but not exactly an outright lie. One of these days, I’m going to have to come clean with them about my little ‘ability’, but right now it was better to keep it to myself.

The largest bag was supposedly the one from Lucifer, so I took the smaller first, wanting to leave my curious mind on hold wondering what on Earth Lucifer could have bought. Satan had gotten me a couple of what looked like romance novels, as well as a container of Ginger Tea and honey, both of which I would be using. I’d have to remember to thank him and Asmo both later. Ever practical, Lucifer had been the one to give me the items I was dreading to ask for, as his bag held an assortment of feminine pads and tampons, enough to last quite some time. 

I let the idea that they had asked Solomon about my behavior slide, realizing quite fast that he had filled them in on my 'condition' quite effectively. Why complain when it means I don't have to do the explaining. The amount of stuff, and the thought that they had put into acquiring it in the first place, hit me hard.

_I am in literal HELL, and I have three gorgeous DEMONS right here in front of me, who care more about me and my personal well-being than my own mother. For that matter, all of the brothers do._

I looked around at the hopeful anxious faces of my Pact-mates, realizing very quickly that I didn’t deserve the kindness and generosity they have shown me after the way I acted earlier, feeling the tightness starting at the back of my throat, the burning sensation that signaled my loss of emotional composure.

_Aww, Man....I don't wanna cry....Damn hormones…._

Much to the distress of the guys, I burst into tears, wrapping my arms around the nearest brother, Mammon.

“I- I’m so S-Sorry!” Mammon didn’t know quite what to do, putting his arms awkwardly around me and getting me to sit own on the bed. “I treated you guys like crap this morning, and said things I really didn’t mean….and here….”

Mammon was at a loss, Beel stepping in to pat my back in concern as I was still wrapped around the second eldest brother.

“You’re all being so NICE to me!!”

Levi was the only one to have presence of mind to say anything, answering for himself as well as the others.

“Nah, don’t worry about it.” Levi smiled awkwardly as I lifted my head from Mammon’s shoulder, turning teary eyes to him. “You can pay me back later when you’re feeling better by gaming with me. There’s a new expansion and I need a teammate to take the new dungeon they are opening next week.”

Beelzebub was a bit more reserved, concerned more about by well being than anything, reaching over to slowly wipe the tears from my face as I started to release the death grip I had on Mammon.

“I don’t need anything, and knowing you will feel better is enough.” Beel got a small smirk, a playful look creeping across lavender eyes. “I’d take a kiss though….”

I didn’t even have time to answer when Beel bent down, his lips meeting mine as my head lie on Mammon’s shoulder. To say I was speechless was an understatement, but he did say ‘take’ a kiss. It was soft and gentle, and over far too soon for my liking, as he stood again, his face showing exactly how pleased with himself he was. Mammon wasn’t quite as non-verbal about the issue.

“Oi! Cut the shit, Beel!” Mammon fastened his arms about me, lifting me up as he quickly turned so that I was now out of reach of his younger brother, before setting me back down on the bed, now putting himself between Beel and I. “Don’t do that!”

I was still a bit shocked, both from the kiss and the abrupt movement after, and I leaned back from Mammon, looking up into the face of my guardian demon. I expected the blush, but not the entirety of it as it trailed quite fetchingly down his throat as well as across his cheeks to the tips of his ears. I wiped my face with my hand, tears all but forgotten with flurry of activity.

“Well now. Way to sweep a girl off her feet there, Mammon.” He was too damn cute, so much so that I couldn’t resist teasing him.

“Hey, I’m the one holdin her! You just come up and kiss her like that…Did you even think first?” Mammon ignored me, railing at Beel who had a very satisfied look on his face as if he just wolfed down an entire 6 layer cake made to serve 20. 

“Aw, now come on! You guys always do this?! Where the Hell is my thanks, huh?” Levi’s voice started up, his trademark Sin of Envy laced through his words, loudly protesting the whole situation, and consequently drowning out the muttering of Mammon that I suspected I was the only one who heard due to the proximity.

“Why the Hell he have to do that, huh? I’m not made of iron you know. I’m holdin Kissa in my arms and he comes up and kisses her and it’s so damn….erotic….fuck….” Mammon sighs then, and ducks, hiding his face in my chest, but I was sure he saw the wide beaming smile on my face, realizing that even if his brothers didn’t hear that, I sure did.

“Ok, guys…enough.” The smile was back on my face with a vengeance as I attempted to diffuse the argument that was going to ramp up exponentially if I didn’t put the kibosh on it now. “I just got rid of the headache and I don’t need it to start up again.”

I dropped my arms from around Mammon, moving back just a touch, running my hand through his hair as I did.

“Tell you what….After dinner tonight, if you guys want you can come over and watch a movie or two.” I smiled as I stood, disentangling myself from Mammon's grip and grabbing the bags to put the items away. “How does that sound?”

Levi sighed, his jaw set just slightly before he relaxed a bit.

“Not me tonight, but you better be ready for an all-nighter two nights from now.” Levi ran a hand through his hair, eyeing Mammon as he did. “I don’t want to hear any arguments from your scummy ass about it either, Mammon.”

“Yeah, yeah fine.” Mammon stood, picking up his gift and setting the wine bottles on the little bar table at the side of the room. He turned back to me, looking at the stuff I currently held in my hands. “You need help with that?”

“No, but thanks.”

“I’ll go put the ice cream in the fridge downstairs before it melts too much, and I’ll see you at dinner.”

I called out as the large demon picked up the bag containing the copious containers of ice cream and headed out of my bedroom.

“Thank you, Beel.” 

A smile and a wave, and he was gone, followed closely by Levi who had pulled out his D.D.D. as he left my room.

Mammon watched me curiously as I put the medicine and sanitary items in the bathroom before coming back and sitting on my bed.

“You going to be alright?”

I nodded, sighing a bit as a wave of exhaustion hit me. 

“Yeah, I’ll be good. I just get really tired for a couple days, and my mood swings are a bit bi-polar, but Thanks.”

The look I got from Mammon said volumes about exactly how full of shit he thought that statement to be.

“If you say so. I’ll leave you to nap if you want, and I’ll be back to get you when dinner’s ready.”

I nodded, lying down on the bed so I faced my doorway, watching as Mammon opened the door to leave.

“Hey Mammon?”

He paused, turning to look back at me.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

Mammon turned red again, the blush creeping across his tanned skin as he cleared his throat and turned away from me.

“Don’t mention it.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have been writing this for a while, mostly since my last cycle when I verbally ripped my boss a new one. I wasn't fired....yay for me LOL.


End file.
